Genre: Quasi-historical Supernatural Samurai [Tokugawa/Edo Era: 1603-1867 AD]
review in one breath
Here is a bizarre tale that mixes apocalypticism, classic goth horror, one-eyed samurais, and nekked virgins!
Our story opens with our main evil dude, Shosetsu Yui, who looks shockingly like Iron Chef's Kaga-san (minus the enthusiastic pepper chomping), resurrecting the dead soul of a samurai prince. This, we soon discover, is only one in a series of resurrections of renowned swordsman. We also discover, to the possible glee of the viewer, that each said resurrection requires a gratuitously nekked virgin! woo hoo! Anyway, the resurrected samurai are summoned in order to usher in the "Apocalypse" and position themselves rulers of the new chaotic world order. (Given the fact that this story takes place in medieval Japan, I guess its no spoiler to say the Armageddon never quite emerges.)
The only living soul with enough suave, skill and sheer coolness to handle this ghoulish plague is Jubei, our one-eyed, bushy-haired samurai hero. (Jubei ROCKS!) With enough testosterone to make any lady ninja melt (and a couple male ninjas from the look of it), Jubei consistently finds himself in the thick of foresaid devilish plan. This results in alot of ghoul beheading and limb hacking set to groovy music. (And I do mean several, entire limbs from any single over-confident ghoul!) The plot thickens as Jubei's aging yet proud samurai father Yagyu makes a "deal with the devil" and emerges as a general of the ghoulish army.
Will Luke, I mean Jubei be required to fight his father Darth, er Yagyu in a climactic battle between good and evil? Will the world plunge into apocalyptic chaos ruled by ghoulish samurai? Will we see any more gratuitously nekked virgins? To find out, you will have to watch the sequel Reborn from Hell: Jubei's Revenge , since the credits roll on this movie before we even sense the end is near!
Important Things You Will Learn from Samurai Armegeddon:
- When slashed with a sword, Demons spurt green blood at incredible rates of pressure.
- There is more than one way to "wear the mask"! (woo hoo!)
- Ancient shinto graveyards had crosses and skull bones lying around everywhere
- Being too proud to say you're sorry after poking your son's eye out with a wooden stick may become an obstacle to future father/son relations.
- You should always carry a small cloth with you into the hot tub, just in case a nekked girl comes in and chases you all over the place.
- After being beheaded, a person's shoulders stand mysteriously higher.
- While standing under a cold waterfall, even a gold statue of buddha looks like a nekked virgin. (woo hoo!)
- (related to 7) Though generally frowned upon, it is indeed possible to "get it on" with a statue of buddha.
- Once resurrected, Shinto monks lead wilder lives than Aerosmith.
- (related to 9) Even the resurrected undead get hangovers.
- Cutting off both legs of your opponent does not ensure the battle is over.
- In ancient Japan is it apparently customary to suddenly end a movie without plot resolution.
|If samurai ghouls exploding in a cloud of green blood is of cultural value to you, go right ahead and add some more yellow skulls!||Pure cornball violence and gore, including oodles of beheadings, limb hacking, (green) blood, and let's not forget the stick poke in the eye of Jubei junior!||Virgin breasts and buns galore. Case in point is our resurrected shinto priest with jug of sake in one hand and pound of virgin flesh in the other! Second case in point is the sensual queen whose long-nosed mask is not exclusively aesthetic in nature. (!)||Libidinous shinto priest and one-eyed samurai duel to the death under a looming apocalyptic oblivion! (and nekked virgins!)|